Today I conquer the internet.

So word has broken about my lawsuits against Matthew Inman, IndieGoGo, the National Wildlife Foundation and the American Cancer Society. I am really glad I get to share my opinion with you about this all.

Let us first make clear that Matthew Inman is a Killer Klown from Outer Space. He is set out to corrupt you and your ilk with his pterodactyl rage. He will put your brain in a blender and drink it like a smoothie. Matthew Inman is the root of all evil. He’s even the square root of evil. He thinks he can send legions of internet people after to me to take down my blogs, websites, and hack my twitter. He doesn’t know that I have Klown-Be-Gone.

IndieGoGo is the tool of Matthew Inman to promote his unworthy cause of spreading bear violence to our fifty states. They are the hand maiden of the Killer Klown. They accept his minions money so that it may be distributed to his vile companions NWF and ACS.

The National Wildlife Foundation wants to spread bears! Yes, bears, giant bears. These things are like 600 lbs and eat children. They must be stopped. They must be hunted to extinction before the bearocalypse comes upon mankind.

The American Cancer Society is trying to find a cure for cancer… how could this be? Don’t they know if Hitler had childhood leukemia that there would have been no Holocaust? I solely place the blame of the Holocaust upon the ACS for their irresponsible actions.

Do not worry readers, I will surpress Matthew Inmans speech, make slaughter of the bears and spread cancer to all! I will stand up for you, for I litigated the case… and WON!

-Charles Carreon Esq.

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  1. CGK

     /  June 18, 2012

    Although you really do not seem like a bad man from interviews I’ve read of you, just a man passionate with his craft as a lawyer, you have blown the situation slightly out of proportion. As have many people who have misunderstood the situation causing the internet lynch mob for you. Inman’s humor is questionable but is just humor nonetheless in his own form, he meant no dehumanization through his bestiality retort, although it was rude and mockery of the situation that you took seriously, not some evil plot to destroy the minds of mankind because lets face it, there are way way worse things out there. You did not originally plan to sue Matthew Inman, although many have assumed so wrongly. He did not send the giant storm of hatred towards you per se, but i believe he knew it was going to happen whether he did or not due to the large support for the oatmeal, although he never asked for it…although your client has in the past outright told its members to storm the oatmeal and do what you accuse him of. But instead of stepping back and handling the situation maturely you have slandered his name on your own website and insulted the cause that gave many people the reason to stand behind him, a bad move both have faults in this situation of what was supposed to be a case between Funnyjunk and the Oatmeal…this whole court case is pointless, a big waste of time and money, and a big dump on both of the respectable reputations you both have. I will be one to say I’m sorry for all the hatred you have received over the internet due to the misinformation and misunderstanding, although you wont get large support by resorting to insulting Inman outright when in thought to many of the observers of the situation he did nothing. But also in the mind of many, this is the internet where anything goes. My apologies if myself have upset you.

  2. I wholly agree with everything you have said here. I appreciate you comments and just wanted to let you know that I am not the real Charles. This blog is a satire, however I do commend you for staying respectful of the man in question as I will not tolerate people using profanity or the likes.

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