You are not the internet.

Stop it right now with your delusions of grandeur. You are not the internet. The internet loves me. I am practically a God. I find it disingenuous that people claim I am a dick. People love me, they make pictures of me for God’s (or my) sake. I am idolized. On top of that people are calling my ethics into question? All I want is to safely put into trust the funds I donated to. To make sure they get to their rightful owner. All I want is respectful spirited debate. However people keep satirizing me like the true Nazis they are. Don’t they know I’m 1/64th Jewish possibly, according to Tara?

Stop it now, before I break out the Lenham Act on you all and take all your $20,000.

Charles Carreon Esq.



  1. Cosmic Changeling

     /  June 22, 2012

    Are you going to make oatmeal an illegal consumption of foods?

    • No one who likes The Oatmeal eats oatmeal. They’re all unwashed lackeys. They probably make strawberry pineapple smoothies and pretend they’re drinking brains like a pterodactyl.

  2. Cosmic Changeling

     /  June 23, 2012

    Oh, good! The Palestanian orphans can still have their only food then.

    • There is only one thing I hate more than free speech (unless I am the one speaking) and that’s orphans. I shall now include in my lawsuit against Matt Inman a stipulation that oatmeal must not be used as a food staple.

  3. Cosmic Changeling

     /  June 26, 2012

    In you’re lawsuite file against Matt Inman, you demand a jury. If they are an internet user are they considered biased and unqualified jurors?

    • Yes, as is anyone who knows what the internet is or has been within 50 yards of a wifi signal. We all know, as Tara has explained, that wireless signals warp the brain. All I am trying to do is get a fair verdict from cavemen. I want cavemen specifically because I believe they can lead me to the dinosaurs after the trial.

      • Cosmic Changeling

         /  June 26, 2012

        Thank goodness I wear my tinfoil hat all the time to protect me from brain warping.

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