Get me out of here!

“I’ve come to see clients and witnesses as fuel to burn, weapons to deploy, and obstacles to be destroyed.” Maybe it’s that quote that got me relegated to representing me, myself, and Tara. Well I did get a new client, however I might have messed that up… I just wanted to get my way. I just wanted to be the savior of the internets. I really need clients, any clients will do. I can’t stand it any more, being stuck in this god forsaken desert with this mad woman ranting and raving all through the night. If I am lucky, I get possibly 2 hours sleep. Please, either join my Class Action Suit, or find me someone to work with. Why do you think I filed a lawsuit out of the state I live? SO I COULD GET AWAY. I mean that’s why I tried to represent a Nevada LLC who’s owner is based in New York. TO GET AWAY! So again, I ask, for all that his holy, please sue someone. I can stand it. She never sleeps.

Also this man is an impostor,  @ChasCarreon. I will be sending Twitter another Cease and Desist and demand that they turn over their domain name to me. They obviously are repeat offenders and have refused to hand over any dinosaurs I’ve requested. Once I own Twitter, I will find my impostors, and photoshop dicks all over their impostor faces. Oh glorious day.

Sometimes I drink more Starbucks than usual,

Charles Carreon Esq

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10 Comments

  1. Sarah

     /  June 23, 2012

    Thank goodness you’re available to take new clients! You’re doing such a fabulous job with your current case that I was sure you would be inundated with people looking to secure your services.

    I have a case you may be interested in. The elementary school down the street from me is holding a bake sale that is supposedly going to benefit the Red Cross. I don’t believe that the money will be donated for a second, and I want to sue them all- obviously just to protect everyone’s interests. Of course I don’t have any proof of these claims, but I’m sure that there’s something in my state’s laws that will work to our benefit. I made sure to buy a brownie so that I had standing to bring this lawsuit. I look forward to hearing your opinion on this matter.

    • I suggest that you get like minded individuals to buy additional brownies so that we can make this a Class Action Suit. Then when we defeat them in court I’ll get a bigger payout, and the Red Cross will be saved!

      • Sarah

         /  June 24, 2012

        Fantastic idea! I knew you would be the perfect person to turn to. Since receiving your reply I have been working to find some additional plaintiffs. For some strange reason, other people seem to think my fears are unfounded, but I remain resolute on this matter. It is good to know that someone as above reproach as you shares my concern.

        • Santosh A Halper

           /  June 24, 2012

          I would like to join that Class Action. Is there still time? I’ll go buy one tomorrow; that’s all I need to have a dog in this (profitable) fight, right!

          • Prepare to become rich my friends. Now all we have to do is get them to speak or even better, write my name somewhere and we’ll double hit them with a trademark infringement case!

  2. Cosmic Changeling

     /  June 23, 2012

    You should sue Pixar. They made a movie about bears, which clearly promotes the Oatmeal and what he stands for.

    • Great lead. Pixar is in California too, so it gets me out of Arizona!

      • Cosmic Changeling

         /  June 23, 2012

        The mom turns into a bear though…doesn’t try to seduce one. I’m not sure if that changes anything

        • She wrestles another bear, how more pornographic can you get?

          • Cosmic Changeling

             /  June 24, 2012

            That’s right. That’s even more insulting. It’s your mother turned into a beast, doing it with another beast. Disney has taken dehumanizing to a new level. First it was those Japs, and now the poor Carreon name!

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