Carreon Luggage.

Well since I’ve been inundated with publicity and the likes I thought it was time to capitalize on it and create my very first consumer products line! Today I humbly submit to you my new brand of travel accessories called Carreon Luggage. See I’ve been married to a… special person for many years, so I know all about the hassles of dragging dead weight around. I also am known for filing litigation for just about any reason any where, so my slogan is going to be “We get your shit where it’s going. Carreon Luggage.” I believe that by leveraging my new found fame I will be able to monetize it and then take the money and dinotize(R) it. I have brought this idea to two separate firms so far and they’ve turned me down, which further proves the Mafia CIA Illuminati Luciferist conspiracy against me. So I ask that you all please begin placing funds in a trust that I will manage, and we’ll split profits accordingly. Once we have the initial investment down, I will contact my supporters in Asia to begin production of the Luggage which will be sold at flea markets and by street vendors. If anything goes wrong with the initial strategy, we’ll blame someone else for our failings and sue them to recuperate at least $200,000. If anyone writes a review critical of our prices or quality, we’ll sue them too for lost dinosaur profits. This will work….

Entrepreneur Awesomeness,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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11 Comments

  1. (The idea from this post came from a reader. Thanks!)

  2. Cosmic Changeling

     /  June 28, 2012

    Carreon my Wayward son!

  3. Jess

     /  June 29, 2012

    Various procedures are available to test for the possibility that your luggage distribution model will be effective. Most applicable is the disturbance terms of a linear Carreon regression model which are auto-correlated in a first order process with a constant autoregressive coefficient. As seen specifically in a study I conducted with results from both Charles and Tara Carreon relating to the powers of two such tests, namely the Douchebag Lawyer, and the Censorious Ass-hat tests, when the autoregressive coefficient of the disturbance terms is a function of one of the regressors. Charles and Tara are just such a case, the problems of autocorrelation and heteroskedasticity are intertwined. I was also able to report Monumental Explosive Asshatery results for an intuitive large sample “pterodactyl” test for autocorrelation which explicitly accounts for the variable nature of the autoregressive coefficient. Our “Carreon’d Ass-hat” results suggest that the Douchebag Lawyer, Censorious Ass-hat theorem as well as our proposed test all have very high detection rates even if both the sample size and the mean of the autoregressive coefficient of the disturbance terms are small. If these two magnitudes are relatively large, all three of these tests seem to be quite effective in detecting autocorrelation – specifically that Charles Carreon = Censorious Douchebag Ass-hat.

    • I am suing you. Here are my complaints to be filed.
      1. Physical suffering as you overloaded my brain with smart people talk.
      2. Defamation, as my brain feels stupid and it can only be through your words that this has happened.
      3. Trademark infringement, as you used my name numerous times in writing which has a theoretical damage limit of infinity.
      Remedies:
      1. You submit pictures for Tara’s art no smaller than 800×800.
      2. Deliver into the court’s holdings any domain names you own to be pointed at this blog at a later date.
      3. 3 Tyrannosaurus Rex hatchlings or one full grown Tyrannosaurs Rex.
      4. You may never put into writing, print, or imagery my name or likeness.
      5. You will write me a power ballad about how I will slay the Pterodactyl riding my Tyrannosaurus into battle.

      Awaiting Your Response,
      Charles Carreon Esq.

  4. Jess

     /  June 29, 2012

    Dear Charles Carreon, esq.

    It appears you may be suggesting that tests for autocorrelation which ignore the presence of heteroskedasticity may be more robust than tests for heteroskedasticity which ignore the presence of autocorrelation. I have evaluated two methods for estimating the parameters of the regression model which explicitly recognize the variable nature of the autoregressive coefficient of the disturbance terms.

    One of these is a variation on a method suggested by using pterodactyls for the case in which the autoregressive coefficient of the disturbance terms is constant; the other is a method we have referred to as the “Ass-hat ” method. These methods were compared to the Censorious Douchebag method suggested by the EFF for the case in which the autoregressive arrogant lawyer coefficient is constant, and to the least squares procedure.

    Our results suggest that if the sample size, and the mean of the autoregressive coefficient are small, the least squares procedure of bat-shit crazy is as good as any of the methods we considered in terms of mean square errors. If, however, these magnitudes are relatively large, the results suggest that the modified douchebag and ass-hat procedures have lower mean square errors than the FU and FOAD methods, and these in turn have lower mean square errors than the least squares method. It appears, in this case, that imperfect adjustments for autocorrelation, which ignore heteroskedasticity, may be preferable to no adjustment at all.

    As with most Censorious Lawyer Ass-hat studies, our results are only suggestive of general conclusions. Clearly, further work relating to your many problems is needed.

    Or to respond to your request in legal terms you can understand “Bite Me”.

  5. Evil Supergenious

     /  June 29, 2012

    I understand that dinasour hide much like alligator hide is both tough and beautiful. It should make stellar luggage collection. The only challenge will be finding any actual live dinasours. But, much like finding a legitimate lawsuit, I am confident that will not stop you.

  6. Best article yet!

  7. Sarah

     /  June 29, 2012

    I would be interested in helping to fund your new endeavor! Now that we have a class action lawsuit going against the local elementary school and the Red Cross, I will have some extra money to invest. This whole thing sounds like a win-win in my book. One thought- perhaps you should consider having this luggage sold by an online retailer. Critical reviews- or reviews of any sort- are far likelier with more exposure, and if the initial sales strategy falters this may become an important factor in this money-making enterprise.

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