So I can’t read Chinese but I’m pretty sure this article says how awesome I am. It’s probably full of factual accounts of how I am a champion of freedom. I bet it’s talking about how I am standing up for decency by stopping charities from receiving over $200k because the people donating were angry. You can’t donate angry. You can only donate while riding unicorns that shit skittles. You certainly can’t donate to make me look like a fool. I think 99% of America wants me to stop this Inman character and his Cash Christ mentality. I can’t believe he can just go around bribing bears and cancer patients with no remorse or moral compass. What next? Politicians taking bribes to insert amendments to laws? It’s really only a very vocal minority that keeps slandering me. Calling me all sorts of terrible names, like “Charles Carreon” and “Jack Thompson.” The only thing I don’t get is what the hell does Barbara Streisand have to do with it? Either way it is time to go full Rakofsky.
All I know is that when this is all over, I am going to take my $220,024 plus attorney fees and go to Asia where I can get a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I heard they find Tyrannosaurus Rex fossils in Mongolia all the time. Does anyone know how much a live Tyrannosaurus Rex would set me back? I bet China would be a great place to silence your critics…
Charles Carreon Esq.