A break from character. Part 2

So here I find myself posting again outside of the character I have created on this website. I had said I would only do so if I was forced to, and I feel I have. This post is directed not only at Charles Carreon, but at any would be censor. You have no right to threaten me because I don’t like you. We are a society of free expression under the Constitution. We are not a society of freedom to commit Lawfare. You might be able to threaten frivolous legal action to me but I have the right to fight you with my every breath. I have never threatened you, your family, your friends, or any of your numerous organizations you have created. I have spoken out against you, I have satirized you. I have not photoshopped your face into pornography or your wife’s. Can you say the same of the people you satirized? No. I have also protected you. I have deleted comments on this blog that tried to identify your personal information. I have been granted no such thoughtfulness by you though.

There are good, decent, people in this world. People who go day by day working jobs they don’t like to support people they love. There are billionaire philanthropist who recognize other people’s plights and choose to take action. There are unintended heroes who by chance save someones life. I believe the good outweighs the bad on any given day. I also believe that if we don’t fight what we see as injustice, the bad goes on in the shadows happily unacknowledged. I am fortunate that good, decent and brilliant people have taken my defense so that I can shine a light on you. Thank you Paul Alan Levy, Cathy Gellis, and Kenneth P. White. Those people and anyone who stands up against censorship are my heroes.

You might hate what I have to say and I might hate what you have to say but I have never said anything on this blog that wasn’t done for the sake of information and humor. I have not called you a murderer and have not asked for you to be water boarded. I have remained civil as a satirist can. However now you come to me with THIS:

You have blatantly tried to censor me and in the course have threatened a company who has provided me service. You have threatened me as well. You have said that you will litigate me when and where you want and until I can litigate no further. You have tried to use the fear of financial ruin to keep me silent.

I will not stand down now, or ever. Did you think that because I choose to remain anonymous (for this reason exactly) that I am weak? My voice is as loud as yours and with every threat it becomes louder. I will not bend or break. I will remain a lawful citizen who chooses to speak out. I will not be censored as you have tried to do to myself and others. This isn’t just about me, this is about my children and yours. So that they can one day speak out as I have if they feel the need.

You are probably going to try to make this about trademarks, however as people’s right to create fair use sites based on trademarks has been settled numerous times before, that is a hollow argument. This is about you being upset and wanting to use whatever law you think you can to stop me from speaking. This is about you thinking that because you have the resource of being a lawyer yourself that you can shape the public conversation as you see fit. This is about you using your resources to shut down critics like your parody accounts on Twitter, or offering a $500.00 reward to anyone who would name the person behind it. Or threatening bloggers with legal action, as your wife has done. These are the actions of a censor.

This site will be a part of your living legacy. I had thought I’d do this website and eventually it’d stop getting traffic one day. That I’d move it to another domain, created for a new project, for archive purposes alone. I know some day no one will care about you enough to look at this site. However today I swear before anyone who is reading this and before my deity of choice, that this domain will stay open and available to the public as long as I can afford to do so.

You could have engaged me in meaningful dialogue. You could have put your angry hat away and emailed me. I would have agreed to disagree, but I would have listened to your concerns. I might have even agreed to find a mutually respectful compromise. I can disagree with your actions and still seek civility. That is over now. I have been threatened, my rights have been threatened, and I do not negotiate under threat. You cannot silence me for disagreeing with you. You cannot silence others who disagree with you.

Consider this my not so kind hearted way of saying fuck off,

Satirical Charles

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  1. Lorien357

     /  July 2, 2012

    I have a new personal hero. Just, wow.

  2. Lorien357

     /  July 2, 2012

    Out of curiosity, if Mr. CarreonTM gets sanctioned/disbarred due to the Oatmeal debacle would he lose the ability to represent himself in this? I call that gravy.

    • IANAL. However I believe anyone can choose to represent themselves unless found incompetent to do so. I could have chosen to represent myself, but Paul and Cathy are much better advocates than I could be for myself.

      • Lorien357

         /  July 2, 2012

        Well, I am sure there are plenty of people better suited to defending Mr. CarreonTM than himself. You just have the wisdom to see it.

  3. n o 0 n e

     /  July 2, 2012

    satirical charles,

    your defiance makes us proud.

    we know not who you are, but we shall ever remain in your debt.

    love from japan,

  4. AnqeIicness

     /  July 2, 2012

  5. TP181

     /  July 2, 2012

    I love this so much, there aren’t words. Stay strong!

  6. Shannon Lynch

     /  July 2, 2012

    The man is unhinged and deranged. I’m sorry you have to deal with this sort of stress but you are incredibly strong standing your ground!

  7. flyingwarpigs2

     /  July 2, 2012

    Yay! Way to go, Satirical Charles. All the dinosaurs are belong to you.

  8. Sarah

     /  July 2, 2012

    As if we didn’t know it by now, that letter just proves it: Charles Carreon really is the world’s biggest a$$hat. Bravo to you, Satirical Charles, for standing up to him. It’s truly terrifying to see the way he is trying to stifle freedom of speech.

  9. Evil Supegenious

     /  July 3, 2012

    Even Evil Supergenious Lawyer is humbled by your courage.

  10. We all know that CC’s douchebag censouriousness is not unique–there have been, and there will be, others who seek to silence their critics (even imaginary critics) by means of legal threats. In the future when I learn of any such instance, be sure I’ll point the victim of such intimidation to this site and to this post.

    Thank you for standing up for your rights, and as an inspiration.

  11. A Canadian

     /  July 3, 2012


    I honestly can’t believe this. It’s not like watching a train wreck – it’s more like watching a 48-hour, 12-versus-1 table tennis marathon. Back, and forth, and back, and forth…

    All I can really say here, Satirical Charles, is this: fight the good fight. I hope you win.

    Also, as a side note: http://adamsteinbaugh.com/2012/07/02/the-oatmeal-case-gets-even-more-bizarre-enter-gino-romano-aka-johnathan-lee-riches/

    • Swindapa

       /  July 3, 2012

      Holy shit. I saw these filings earlier today. This case has become way too entertaining.

      /moar popcorn please

      • Shannon Lynch

         /  July 3, 2012

        Next up. Charles Carreon sues and supeonas Orvile Popcorn demanding that the increase of sales on popcorn is a defamation of his character brought by the Illuminati Cannibal children.

        Back you you Bob.

  12. GL

     /  July 3, 2012

    Hopefully he loses his trademark to his name. Trademark was never meant to be used in such way and getting a Trademark on a surname is highly suspicious at best unless there is a context anyway.

  13. Swindapa

     /  July 3, 2012

    Satirical Charles:
    Thank you for knowing how to double down in dinosaurs. I know this is not an easy situation, and know that we – the denzins of the interwebs – thank you for doing something we have all wanted to do: take this douchebad head on. So thanks for putting yourself out there in the line of fire. I wish you the best of luck in stomping on this fool (only in the legal sense, of course).

    Thanks for being a bad ass, sir or madam.

  14. annbransom

     /  July 3, 2012

    You are not just standing up for yourself. You are standing up for bloggers, satirists, and critics everywhere. You have my full support and all my dinosaurs.

    • Gadgy

       /  July 3, 2012

      You ain’t half bad yourself Ann, your fundraising campaign is a great way to keep turning the Carreon anger machine into something good.

      At the very beginning of all this, both this site and your blog inspired me to want to blog/criticize Carreon myself. However, I was too afraid of getting myself tangled up in all of this to actually follow through. In fact I am hesitant to post this comment in fear of incurring Tara’s wrath. The two of you are very brave and strong for standing up when I was too afraid. And if you need support from the internets to help you keep up the fight, let it be known. I would be happy to donate some money to help pay for the attorney fees (in case Carreon’s threat is followed through).

      Also, I am really surprised that you didn’t end up in some of Tara’s porn Ann. I guess Tara showed some restraint by not photo-shopping penises all over your face. Though questioning if you were really a “woman” probably didn’t feel that great.

  15. Kristen

     /  July 3, 2012

    This member of the puerile vituperative Internet youth thinks you rock! I’m glad you’re standing your ground.

    This guy truly is a monkey-spanking ass weasel. Here’s hoping the judge takes the time to fully appreciate his subtle threat to abuse the law to silence a critic (he’s apparently not a man of nuance).

  16. Delvan

     /  July 3, 2012

    Loved this blog from the day I saw it, I’m so glad you have good counsel to protect you from Carreon’s nonsense. Keep on the quality satire!

  17. Sandy Yoost

     /  July 3, 2012

    Fully behind you friend. Wonderful post- keep defending your rights.

  18. You know, every time I get to thinking you couldn’t be any more awesome, you do something like this and top it.

    • You’re awesome for letting me draw a dick on your gravatar 🙂 Everyone who has commented on this blog (all entries included) are awesome too. I just feel fortunate to not be posting material for only me to read on an ugly red background…

      • Lorien357

         /  July 3, 2012

        That sounds crazy, who would do that?

        to be fair though, is she really posting on a site with no one reading at the moment. I know I get some chuckles from it daily. I know I am not the only one. As our window into the world that is Carreon, she is a popular nutter.

        • Gadgy

           /  July 3, 2012

          I have been reading and re-reading that forum every day since the news dropped. I just can’t help myself, its too damn funny.

          So i am sure she is getting a crap-ton of hits and thinking that she has a serious readership.

          Also, I am really sad that others cannot comment. That forum would quickly turn into the most amazing flame war this side of pro-choice/pro-life debates.

      • Witless Protection Program

         /  July 3, 2012

        Now, now…. Tara’s just been standing in her own goodness for a little too long. A nice cybersquat ought to clear her right out.

  19. Banana Phone

     /  July 3, 2012

    Doe #1, You’ve got a collect call from Internet Greatness…

    Will you accept the charges?

  20. Good fight, hope the judge gives you an reasonable compensation for the work you are doing here.

    Hmmm, would that be considered income, so the site could become commercial after all ? 😉 Hmm nay it wouldn’t

  21. Nibor Sypher

     /  July 3, 2012

    Keep up the good fight, hope the judge gives you a reasonable compensation for the work you are doing here.

    Hmmm, would that be considered income, so the site could become commercial enterprise after all 🙂
    Hmmm, nay it wouldn’t, would it ?

    Sorry if this post appears twice, Me fingers verrrrry thick.

  22. DickNervous

     /  July 3, 2012

    /bows down
    /chant “We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy”


  23. Tara's gay lover

     /  July 3, 2012

    I think the outpouring of funds to TheOatmeals appeal would be dwarfed by a fund to fight any case that Charlie decides to carry on with.
    I’m also sure that he would lose the case and then be liable for all the costs, so that raises the question…………which charities would get the funds when they were no longer required for legal defense?

  24. You fight the good fight CD, there are many of us across the pond in Blighty who are following these proceedings attentively and are rooting for you and all the others who seem to come under the shadow of Mr Carreon. Freedom of speech is a fight for all of us, regardless of nationality, creed or religious belief and I admire your tenacity and sheer bloody mindedness in standing up to schlock lawyers. Keep up the good work 🙂

  25. It has come to my attention that the phrase ‘monkey-spanking ass weasel’ that I pulled out of… um, somewhere… last night may be valuable.

    I hereby trademark the phrase and bestow it on satirical Charles to use as he sees fit.

    It’s not a T-Rex but I humbly hope you accept it as my meager contribution to your cause.

    • Random Cartoonista

       /  July 4, 2012

      “monkey-spanking ass weasel” is truly a beauteous phrase. May others of us use it too, should circumstances warrant?

  26. T-Rex

     /  July 3, 2012

    This is downright beautiful!

    Interesting how Chuck & Tarfeather accuse everyone they disagree with as “Nazis”, yet they are guilty of widespread censorship, hate-mongering, and promoting violence. I would say they are the most guilty of anyone of “Nazi” acts.

  27. If, for any reason you need assistance to keep the domain going just shoot me an e-mail. I will pay for your hosting or even transfer the domain. Basically, you will NEVER HAVE TO WORRY about affording to keep the domain open.


  28. Keep on fighting the good fight, Doe #1.

  29. Random Cartoonista

     /  July 4, 2012

    Satirical C, good for you! You have my admiration and well-wishes!

  30. I see Register.com has the testicular fortitude of Verizon or AT&T when it comes to resisting tyranny by the courts.

  31. This is an excellent piece. Just wanted to echo mike long’s sentiment above: I’m also happy to help with keeping this domain open should it no longer become financially viable for yourself (as I’m sure many others would be).

  32. Zombie Charles wish young Satirical Charles to know perseverance will be rewarded with army of undead dinosaurs in future. Will be helpful fending off roving bands of rabid litigators.

  33. Please don't Carry On, Charles

     /  July 12, 2012

    Carreon has proved once and for all that he truly is the embodiment of pure evil. Everything he gets involved in turns to shit. I guess we can thank his meritless, idiotic lawsuit against Inman, though, on behalf of cancer victims and wildlife, for displaying such douchbaggery has luckily brought out the best in others online.
    Charles is the allegory of all that is wrong with law in the United States and his wife is an allegory of all the shitty copyright breakers. Between them, they cover the entire spectrum of all that should not exist in the world but unfortunately does. They were the evil souls inside Pandora’s Box.

    To the Carreons, if ever you should read this. Admit that you lost, please. Show us some sign you have some form of a soul still remaining. And once that’s done, please retreat to an island directly over an active volcano until it erupts.

    • Hey now, the last thing we want to do is send them to ruin Hawaii too. Perhaps we can get them a ride to meet Willzyx on the moon?

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