Charles Carreon vs the Illuminati.

I have had some time to reflect over the events since last Friday. Tara and I laid out on the desert ground staring up at the stars and looking for the satellites that control people’s thoughts, one of our favorite hobbies and I got to thinking… I need to amend my legal strategies immediately to counter the Illuminati threat. These people are running around hacking the court filing system and making me look like a loon. I am not a loon, or a looney toon, or anything that begins loo. I am a great and mighty defender of the legal rights of people to file whatever lawsuit they want, whenever they want, where ever they want, no matter it’s merits.

  1. File a federal lawsuit against Paul Levy for using my name in a blog.
  2. Force all bloggers and journalist to redact my name and place in it’s place Censored on the request of Charles Carreon Esq.
  3. Sue the internet itself to point all hyperlinks to this blog so that I may teach you all my religion of censorship.
  4. Demand that Universal Studios, who made Jurassic Park, provide me with live dinosaurs trained to eat my critics.
  5. Also demand that Universal Studios make a trilogy of movies centering around me in the wild west as Arizona Kid.
  6. Have the phrase Jelly Bean removed from all online sites as well as printed material.
  7. Install Tara Carreon as Acting Despot of the United States of Charles Carreon.
  8. Make the acronym EFF illegal.
  9. I will sue anyone who registers a domain name for me in my name because Charles Carreon doesn’t have domain names, he just has righteous legal thunder.
  10. I will also sue Chuck Norris and the Most Interesting Man in the World, for being perceived as more righteous than I.

Also one last warning to whoever these people are commenting on my blogs, I never gave you permission, stop hacking my internet systems. I will use the finest internet forensics to track you down and sue you, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day I will be there. Some people are calling me a censor, why is that a bad thing? I just want people to only say nice things no matter what I do. You can trust me.

Defiant Against Logic,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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4 Comments

  1. MK

     /  July 3, 2012

    So you’re not a looker then?

  2. Mike

     /  July 4, 2012

    I think you should have won that misconduct case of 2005 – everyone should have known that you were securing a residential lease in order to establish another base of operations to fight the invasion of the body snatchers. I mean, we all know that they’re out there!

    It’s a setback, but I do hope in all sincerity that it hasn’t impeded your other efforts to prove that Bigfoot was actually the result of genetic experiments in 1901 that had gone awry.

    Keep the faith, Brother Invigilator! Your efforts will be rewarded upon the day of Alpha Centauri Rapture, and your ascendancy to the High Galactic Court will be closer to fruition!

    Yours in Glorious Cameraderie,
    Kal-El

    • You have touched me in a way that I can’t point to on a doll. Why does my chest feel so different? I appreciate your support in my fight against the Secret Under.

      • Mike

         /  July 4, 2012

        Speaking of being touched, the Overlords are not terribly happy with your wife Tarandfeather’s actions as of late – you might want to whisper a discreet message about the video cameras, or increase the dosage.

        My audience with fellow Invigilators awaits, I shall be in contact soon.

        Hail to the Glorious Soldiers of Truth!

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