Yeah so my bad. I meant to sue someone who couldn’t defend themselves… I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that damn internet.

Charles Carreon Esq.



  1. A Canadian

     /  July 3, 2012


    I’m mildly surprised that this actually happened. I guess the turning point was when someone decided to sue you.

    • Apparently people don’t just give you money when you send them a scary letter. I am baffled by this. I blame the Illuminati, Nazis, Mafia, CIA, FBI, and NSA. (Never blame the IRS, those guys will ptero you a new asshole for real)

  2. Nicholas Weaver

     /  July 3, 2012

    Oh come on Charles. You know this is just a tactical ploy, and you’ll both go “Hey, look, I made Inman respect charity! I ROCK, IM THE SAVIOR OF THE WORLD”, and, well, 2 years from now, dust it off and refile.

  3. pathgirl

     /  July 3, 2012

    I am surprised it seems there is an unfried brain cell under all that frizzy dyed hair somewhere. Color me impressed and kinda scared.

  4. Nicholas Weaver

     /  July 3, 2012

    Its not your dental fillings. The RF interefence from the interphase compensators is too much for the algorithmic matrix to handle.

    Its far easier to just read them off your tinfoil hat…

    • Wait. What? No… They advertised this hat as being thought reading proof. I am suing! Does anyone know how I can serve papers to that homeless man down on 3rd street? He moves around a lot

      • Nicholas Weaver

         /  July 3, 2012

        Hire a good process server. I thought you have 2 or 3 on speed dial for when you want your letters to have Extra Intimidation Factor.

        • That would be a great financial hardship on me.

          • Nicholas Weaver

             /  July 4, 2012

            You could always talk to Mike out of Albuquerque. His main boss is now gone, and he has done good work for Saul Goodman in the past.

            And in general, he’s a good one to help you break into the field if you want to become a criminal attorney.

      • Spyder

         /  July 4, 2012

        Just follow the trail of T-Rex droppings….

      • AF

         /  July 4, 2012

        Lol I read the “I am suing! Does anyone…” as “I am suing Does!…”

  5. Wil

     /  July 4, 2012

    We are disappointed in your wife’s lack of a response, seeing as all of this was engineered by the shadowy figures behind Lohner and Obama to goad Inman into reacting the way he did, so that we could get the final answer to the universe from Tara. She was close to revealing it…you can’t back down now!

    • I hope not! My god they are coming at me from all sides. TARA CIRCLE THE WAGONS! (Author Note: Probably not the real Inman)

  6. Shannon Lynch

     /  July 4, 2012

    I eagerly await your wife’s well composed, thought provoking, responses.

  7. You would have gotten away with it too, if not for those pesky kids!

  8. Paul L. Randazzeraza

     /  July 4, 2012

    My most respectacled and bedearestest Mr. Carreon – Charles, if I may be so bold…

    I know being loyal to one another is of the highest priority in your closely-knit family. So the topic that I am going to raise is a sensitive one; I realize that to fullest. But it is also a serious and urgent one. Seriously urgent.

    Let me get straight to the point: I fear for your life. Your lovable, mild-mannered wife has put both her faith in and all her energy behind you, to do what only truly loving and cordially-non-Delilah-like wives do, and do best: To empower you to stand up to and fight the grave injustices that have been piled upon your innocent shoulders by CommuNazi Inmaniacs. She has even taken unpaid leave of her senses to stand by your side, mentally unencumbered and pure.

    With the utmost urgency and in all seriousness, I must alert you to the possibility that she will be so devastated by your voluntary dismissal, that she will feel the need to stop you from what she might perceive as you dismantling the hero status you have so rightfully attained in her view.

    She might have to take steps. Lock away your guns and cutlery, sleep with one eye open or do what I do: Before I go to bed, I paint googly eyes on my John Lennon glasses (the best of fortunes have already bestowed a pair onto you) and hope I don’t get ‘Phil Hartman’-ed. Surely, the circumstances are of a different nature. But you have been disloyal and betrayed her trust by not pursuing this all the way to the Intergalactic Council, consuming all your wife’s willfully given resources to render her a mental martyr. You stole her chance at giving you the greatest gift.

    And you know your wife is a vindictive nutjob.

    Increasingly yours,

    Paul Randazzeraza, non-esq.

    • I told her we won.

      • Witless Protection Program

         /  July 4, 2012

        Well done Charles, you famous, notorious bastard!

      • Paul L. Randazzeraza

         /  July 4, 2012

        Well played, sir! I respectfully bow before your superior intellect, for only an intellect that superior could come up with such a simple solution for such an urgently serious threat.

        Also, winning by dismissing, to litigate without litigation? Who else could’ve pulled this of. Or out of. Something.


  9. Frost

     /  July 4, 2012

    [GLaDOS voice:]

    “This was a triumph.
    I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
    It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.
    Carreon Lawsuits
    We sue who we must
    because we can.
    For the good of all of us.
    Except the ones who are dead.”

  10. Shannon Lynch

     /  July 4, 2012

    So you told Ars Technica you dropped the lawsuit because you won. wait whaaaa?

    • Tara reads Ars, so I couldn’t have her finding out the Illuminati won. Last time I lost a case she almost dug my eyes out in my sleep with a broken crayola marker.

  11. Bro what the fuck? You’re going to back down now? What are you? Some sort of pussy? Does your wife know about it?

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