Wait a second here…

WHO DO PAUL LEVY AND CATHY GELLIS THINK THEY ARE? Here is how the legal system works folks.

  1. I send cease and desist letters quoting random laws, demand dinosaurs.
  2. You either A) Hand over dinosaurs and cease and desist or B) move to step 3
  3. I then threaten you with anything that sounds really scary. I prefer ultra villainous 10 point plans when I’m really feeling frisky.
  4. You either A) Hand over dinosaurs and cease and desist or B) move to step 5
  5. I sue you and take said dinosaurs by legal force.
  6. You cry.

Where in the 6 step legal plan cited in every law book Tara’s ever written, do you sue me? Answer: NO WHERE! You can’t sue me for wanting to sue you, that’s some sort of time paradox, like when Marty McFly’s mom had a crush on him in the past. It’s wrong, it’s dirty, it shouldn’t happen. Not only do they sue me, but they infringe my trademark in the very filing by using my name?! This is unacceptable, preposterous, and maniacal. These Illuminati will stop at nothing.

Nothing is sacred. I specifically told Paul to forward my letter to Ralph Nader, not send it back to me attached to a declaratory filing! Can he not read? I ASKED FOR RALPH NADER NOT LAWSUITS!

Okay so I’ve tried to count how many times these people have used my name, and I ran out of fingers, toes, and broken crayons, so let us assume that they owe me the following.

  1. Citizen Public will point it’s domain at this blog.
  2. Cathy Gellis will point her domain at this blog.
  3. Kenneth P. White will point Pope Hat at this blog.
  4. I will take under my charitable trust, 300 living Tyrannosaurus Rexes, or 900 T-Rex eggs.
  5. Paul Alan Levy will forward all of Tara’s writings to Ralph Nader.

If my demands are not met, I will make further youtube videos, force feed red bull to cats and release them in your parked cars, and sue you for suing me.

Battle Warrior Armored,

Charles Carreon Esq.

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14 Comments

  1. lowestofthekeys

     /  July 3, 2012

    Charles Carreon, I like your tabasco…I nominate you for overlord of the world.

  2. Lorien357

     /  July 3, 2012

    I must apologize. I have no dinosaurs on me currently. I do have a fiji mermaid and a two dozen orang pendaks. If it will appease your mighty legal rage you may have them.
    Also, if your wife is suffering hand cramps from all those penises she has been drawing I volunteer to take up the slack. I cannot match her artistic vision, but I am willing to carry on.

  3. Nicholas Weaver

     /  July 3, 2012

    Hey, Chuckles… Aren’t you violating your own trademark by not including ™ after every mention of your own name on this site?

    E.G., when signing your name, isn’t “Charles Carreon Esq.” a violation of your own trademark, needing you to sue yourself?

    In order to protect yourself from a baseless lawsuit from yourself, you should probably sign your name in these posts as “Charles Carreon, Attorney and Dinosaur Fucker ™”.

  4. Sandy Yoost

     /  July 3, 2012

    I feel the need to express my disquiet over the use of various nicknames for the Carreons.

    For Charles I have seen:
    Carrion
    Chuck
    Chulckes
    Charlie
    Chuckie
    UpChuck

    For Tara I have seen:
    Tarfeather
    Terror

    I think this is unnecessary and in fact counterproductive. This is actually the objectification and vilification that Mr. Carreon is claiming, and done by we who seem to feel superior to the Carreons. It makes us look bad, and I think we should start referring to them by their proper names. Point of fact, Satirical Charles does not use these terms, yet his commentary is all the more biting because of it.

    These two jokers don’t need our help to look like fools. And we shouldn’t be feeding them any ammunition.

  5. Nicholas Weaver

     /  July 3, 2012

    Actually, at this point, I want Chuckles to experience the full Hustler v Falwell level of inane butt-hurt.

    Yes, its purile and juvenile. But it is constitutionally protected purile and juvenile, and thats the whole point. He can always wash down his butt-hurt with a glass of Campari…

    • Nicholas Weaver

       /  July 3, 2012

      Especially since Charles Carreon ™, with his TRO, attempted to infringe on my personal free speech rights. Its not just abstract “gotta protect the 1st Amendment” (which I’m all for anyway), but I gave $50 to BearLove specifically because:

      1) Should Charles attempt to disrupt the delivery of the money, I could say that under his logic, I now have standing. But, unlike Charles, I won’t spend $350 to file a case over $10, so its only theoretical standing.

      2) I really really want to see the photograph, and wanted it to be as big a pile of money as possible.

      Charles’s TRO both effectively put words in my mouth, claiming to represent my interest as a contributor, AND, by attempting to disrupt the transfer of money, disrupting MY free speech rights in spending MY money on an art project I support.

      So the real Charles Carreon, Douchebag Attorney and Dinosaur Fucker ™ deserves the maximum legal contempt that court history and court cases allow.

  6. I Eat U!

     /  July 3, 2012

    ♥ I wuv u! ♥

  7. Witless Protection Program

     /  July 3, 2012

    “If my demands are not met, I will make further youtube videos, force feed red bull to cats and release them in your parked cars, and sue you for suing me.”

    I see what you did there, Charles – well done!

  8. Evil Supegenious

     /  July 3, 2012

    Charles, I see my problem. My original plan was 13 steps, which upon reflection is an unlucky #. I need to pare the prior plan I shared with you here http://charles-carreon.com/2012/06/18/wow-ive-gotte-4-2/#comments down to 10 steps or even better six. This will be much easier to keep track off and far easier to replicate your failure, I mean success.

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