How many times do I have to win?

Jumping Buddha on a fence post, how many times do I have to beat Matthew Inman before he gets it in his head that all I do is win, win, win. I mean this guys stoops to taking a picture with his own money? Yeah right buddy, not charity money, anyone can whip up $211k of their own cash and take a picture… well… I mean… god damn it, that’s besides the point. IT WASN’T THE CHARITY MONEY BUDDY! You lose. I win. Always. Forever. Tomorrow. Today. Yesterday. Even when the Nazis dance on my grave, I’ve won. You didn’t. I stopped you from taking a picture with the real money. You know what else? This is what I think about your so called pictures you Pterodactyl Maniac:

 

Hah! Revel in my ball hairs Matthew Inman. Revel. In. Them. You may have rapeutated me, but my quasi dick is about to smash you in that smug face of yours! Take that you Illuminati CIA scum!

Winner,

Charles Carreon Esq.

P.S. Do you think this letter will

make me look strong to Tara? I

don’t want here to make fun of

me any more…

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9 Comments

  1. Mr. Inman claims to have raised “$211,223.04,” and yet, in the third photo from the top (http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/blog/charity_money/fu.jpg) you can clearly see that there are 6 distinct coins laying out. This is just like in that story ‘The Gift of the Magi’ (http://ateacherswrites.wordpress.com/2010/01/12/o-henry-cant-count-students-notice-the-obvious-in-the-gift-of-the-magi/). The only way the 6-photographed coins would make sense is if it consists of 2 one-cent coins, and 4 half-cents (not minted since 1857, which is, suspiciously, the last date the last surviving wild dinosaur was slaughtered in north America, as most scholars refuse to believe the wild stories of T-Rexes battling union troops during the civil war http://io9.com/5084491/the-alternate-history-theme-park-where-dinosaurs-fought-in-the-civil-war).

    I fear Inman has made a fatal mistake here, which fully warrants re-opening the federal case against him. Fraud involving coins may prompt the Treasury Department/Secret Service to get involved as well.

  2. T-RexLives

     /  July 10, 2012

    “Do you think this letter will make me look strong to Tara?”

    Only if you remove the genital cuff she attached to you, and if you hold the letter while dressed up like Rosie O’Donnell in a Nazi uniform. With fur glued to your chest.

    BTW, your middle name isn’t ‘Ruprecht’, is it??

  3. lowestofthekeys

     /  July 10, 2012

    Mister Carreon!

    …that representation of your meat ferret is disingenuous of the true amount of hair garnering your fleshy pink beanbag.

    Tara told me so.

  4. Zombie Charles urge young Charles not try so hard for Tara. Maybe look strong now, but eventually, Zombie Tara just think young Charles look delicious.

  5. Nicholas Weaver

     /  July 10, 2012

    You need to be as Winning as Charlie Sheen! You’re not there yet, but on the right track

  6. My first thought when I saw this picture was “YES! I have ‘Mrowwy Night’ on my wall, too!” Not sure exactly what that says about me…or the crudely drawn penis. Oh, wait, that isn’t drawn? Oops.

  7. BaNooner

     /  July 13, 2012

    I don’t want here to make fun of you either.

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