Dave Thomas Writes In

Dear Charles,

Thank you for including me in your lovely website.  I have to say, I’m a bit confused.  My website is a simply a piece of fiction.  I created it in an effort to write some humor about a fictional character named Charles Carrion (the last name is based on the dead rotting meat that vultures feed upon).

 

It seems that funny songs are popular these days, so I produced a parody in the voice of my fictional character Charles Carrion. I admit, the site is a work in progress, and the writing is amateur and sophomoric at best, but it’s a hobby.

 

However, if you’d like to continue to list me on your curious website, please know that my FULL name is Dave Felton.  I’m in advertising and I’m an entrepreneur.
Have a lovely day.

 

Dave
PS, While I appreciate your offer of the purchase of a bottle of vanilla for the domain name, please know that my asking price is $20,000. xoxo
You see how these Illuminati fast food clones roll? First they try to distort reality with logic and facts, then he tries to tell me his name isn’t Dave Thomas. This is ridiculous and quite frankly, I’m having none of it. Don’t be trying to shove down my throat some crazy conspiracy theory that you’re not the genetic clone of Dave Thomas. Buddy, we all know you are some test tube grown Illuminati drone sent to destroy my reputation, life, and freedom. See, I’ve been onto your tricks since you made square hamburger patties. What sort of mind fuck is that? A guy is just tripping out, wanting a burger, and they hand me a burger on a round bun with a square patty. I couldn’t stop sucking my thumb for days after that, rocking in the corner calling out for mommy. You’re and evil bastard Dave. Oh, and I hate your song.
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5 Comments

  1. albertraccoon

     /  July 17, 2012

    Who would have known that Dave Fulton is the man on the blurred picture called ‘Dave.Felton.blur_.jpg’?

  2. Hey I just met you, but you look crazy, so don’t carreon maybe?

  3. annbransom

     /  July 18, 2012

    Dave wins 1,000,000 dinosaurs for $20,000 asking price.

  4. albertraccoon

     /  July 18, 2012

    Hey, Chas, congratulations on your new ad campaign!

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